Living Well

Sometimes I feel discouraged.
One problem after another
arrives wearing down my energy
and faith. There is a part of me
that knows things will work out
in the end, but in this moment,
I feel beaten down. I feel ashamed
to feel this way, as if somehow I
have failed…if only I had: more
faith, had tried harder, was more
patient–you know how it goes.

But then the shift comes and things
begin to improve, get better, even great!
I am happy, even joyous. God is good,
the sun is shinning again. Then I beat
myself up because I worried so much
before, lacking faith, perseverance,
blah-blah-blah.

How hard I am on myself! I would never
allow anyone to treat me as badly as
I treat myself. What is this all about?

I want to be as loving to myself as I
am to others, as patient with myself…

At three, I was innocent.
Seven found me putting a toe in the water.
Thirteen begat insecurity, a wish to conform that soon faded.
Before turning 20, I left home, knapsack on my back seeking my fortune.
Thirties were filled with adventures.
Forties had some, too.
Then came 50’s and 60’s, when I began to see
life in a new way, old ideas and values faded
as other possibilities became known. Soon I will
begin the decade of 70, a time for inner exploration,
new worlds to know. This journey has many twists
and turns, each offering new insights to those
who are willing to learn.

Sometimes I question why I have been vegetarian for so long. Knowing how mistreated are the animals we eat has been a major reason. Also, I have always had loving connection with animals so the idea of eating one is at one level, re-pungent to me.

Living on an ecological project has taught me much about caring for the land. I also see how difficult it is to mass produce food organically so am left wondering if tofu has any virtue over meat. As I gained more awareness of how we interconnect with all living things, I have pondered eating plants, cutting grass so I can have a pretty yard, etc. There are monks who sweep the path before they walk so they kill nary a creature. I understand that as I carefully step over lines of ants, brush away bugs rather than killing them. Life has become precious to…

The song of a flute
lingers in the air.
A bird copies its sweet
refrain, soon others
capture the song and
the floresta is filled
with a melody so beautiful
that fairies dance until dawn.
It began with one happy
flute singing its song.

Each of us can make a difference

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I play an American Indian flute for healing rituals and just for pleasure. Once I was playing by the little waterfall in the floresta and a humming bird flew to the end of the flute and hovered there listening to me play. It was a magic moment, indeed!