Living Well

Posts Tagged ‘support system

 

Tomorrow is Friday.

 

now for most people, that is something to look forward to.

 

not me. for too long, Fridays were the days of highest terror and given that abusers fall into patterns

 

Friday was the day that the workplace conflict was escalated.

 

Whether it was to ensure my sense of terror and helplessness continued over the weekend. which, given the dread of Mondays, really didn’t need Friday as a peak terror day.

 

In any event. I, as a coping mechanism once I was at home and no longer had to report to work, was to forget which day of the week it was.

 

Because even now, a year later. I become more edgy and nervous, more easily stimulated into being overwhelmed.

 

Honestly, it’s like having PMS every week instead of just once a month. compounded to be sure.

 

but for the last month, I have been able to keep track of what day of the week it is. so YAY ME

 

And lately I have actually been correct.  so CELEBRATE ME.

 

 

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agoraphobic philosopher says

I say what I mean I mean what I say
I am not mean to ruin your day
you’ve misunderstood what I say

consider there’s considerations at play
sun above earth below another day
blue moon tonight howl and bay

 

 

I enjoy the Cowboy Junkies most haunted version of this song and while Elvis was hardly the only one who recorded that song, I think his is the most heart rendering version. Sorta like kd lang’s Halleluh is the best version of the Leonard Cohen song, because only her version captures the rapture and the kink subtext of the bible story.

 

so really, as a writer, I can tell you that you can’t really understand anything until you can understand the subtext and nuances.

 

and, as a person in trauma recovery. I can also tell you all that unless a person can understand nuance and subtext…. You really can’t understand anything around you.

 

In some ways, having people treat you like you are normal is the worst thing ever, because you are not normal and your responses are not normal and your understanding of what’s going on around you is not normal. Your perceptions are altered and it’s difficult for people who have not been through trauma or depression to understand that.

 

I am grateful every day to my roommates Rhonda and Lorne who support and accommodate my strange behaviours and remind me every day of who I used to be and they celebrate with me, throughout the day, the person that I have now become.

 

I am grateful every day to my online support system of friends too, some of whom I have known for almost 20 years over various sites, http://www.zoetrope.com and http://www.thewritersbuilding.org! YEAH WRITERS  and more recent friends on Facebook of all places.

 

Yeah facebook! cheaper than therapy, but not as fun as bubble wrap! LOL


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