Living Well

Posts Tagged ‘friendships

 

Tomorrow is Friday.

 

now for most people, that is something to look forward to.

 

not me. for too long, Fridays were the days of highest terror and given that abusers fall into patterns

 

Friday was the day that the workplace conflict was escalated.

 

Whether it was to ensure my sense of terror and helplessness continued over the weekend. which, given the dread of Mondays, really didn’t need Friday as a peak terror day.

 

In any event. I, as a coping mechanism once I was at home and no longer had to report to work, was to forget which day of the week it was.

 

Because even now, a year later. I become more edgy and nervous, more easily stimulated into being overwhelmed.

 

Honestly, it’s like having PMS every week instead of just once a month. compounded to be sure.

 

but for the last month, I have been able to keep track of what day of the week it is. so YAY ME

 

And lately I have actually been correct.  so CELEBRATE ME.

 

 

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there’s really nothing like trauma to cause you to really take stock of yourself as a person.

That was an actual question posed to me in an interview for a Security Officer position at the Department of Fisheries and Oceans in September 2008.

 

But I was not asked the question in the same manner as anyone else who interviewed for that same position.

Putting aside that this was the third time in 4 years that I had applied for the position, because people didn’t stay in it for much more than a year. because that was just how much I wanted the job. I kept trying to get this specific one, because I thought it was one I could retire from and those types of jobs, rarely came up inside the government.

I worked within the Federal Government of Canada for 13 years and I think at a record seven departments. Most people are hired and retire from the same one department, often in the same job. Boggles my mind, since I have changed industry sectors three times, retail to private to public. And now at 44, I am on the cusp of yet another career change. only I don’t know what or what all to, that I am going to do. I have other matters of recovery that I have to attend to before I can start to consider what I am going to be when I grow up.

if and when that ever happens! LOL

 

Sorry, I got off track there. so my interview.

I had already been in the interview room for 20 mins, interacting with the three people – the manager, the HR woman and another security officer from the department co-located in the same building, from Environment Canada. if I not not mistaken and reasonable sure I am not.

 

So when they asked me “What do you do…” the question to me was prefaced with an embarrassed grin, a rolling of the eyes and the words

“Well, I really don’t need to even ask this, but we have to write something down”
all four of us burst into laughter and it mostly drowned out the question and it was a while before I could answer the question.

 

So if you work in the private sector then you are probably shocked that I didn’t get that position offered to me at all. but are at least amused by the story.

but if you understand what it’s like in government then … yeah. how fucking gross is that? heart sickening. But you know, things work out the way they need to and as much as I thought I wanted that job, it wasn’t the right job and it wasn’t for the right motives either.

 

 

 


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