Living Well

Posted on: October 21, 2012

problem solving is not empathy

problem solving is an intellectual process by which one avoids dealing with the feeling by changing both the context of the conversation away from feelings

and by attempting to then alter the circumstances in a way to avoid triggering or facing said feelings

empathy is about feeling other people’s feelings – good or bad

empathy is simply understanding other people’s feelings because they are presumably similar to your own

both being the same species and with the same spectrum of capacities.

Bonus points for readers who knew they were getting a demonstration of the second intellectually dodge or feelings avoidance mechanism.

agoraphobic philosopher

playing:

October 21. 2012
1 PM

Dearest Readers.

CELEBRATE ME

I have finally conquered the daily anxiety that I experience just from sitting in front of my computer.

Now I realize that that might sound like a strange thing to say..
After all, what is Nina Tryggvason other than a computer geek?
A writer, a graphics designer. everything she does for enjoyment involved a computer.

and everything I did for work or volunteering, also involved a computer.

You know. all that blogging and facebook.

Well. Dearest Readers.

Facebook was cheaper and more effective than therapy, because on Facebook. I had one thing on line that I did not have in my actual life.

Control over the conversation.

I can control who I talk to. How I talk to them and what I talk to them about.

But mostly, I get control over who I do not have to talk to.

Being able to block people or simply leave groups was one of the MOST IMPORTANT STEPS that I took to begin my recovery process.

Because blocking other people – and I know there is another thinking feeling human being on the other side of the words – no matter what the person posts or how they behave – nicely or a troll –

because no machine has passed the Turin Test.

So being able to say to myself

I AM VALUABLE ENOUGH to not have to waste time with a person who cannot behave in a manner that is acceptable to me.

No matter what it is that “acceptable means”.

Because let me tell everyone simething right now.

I was never raped as a child and I was never raped as an adult woman.

But that does not mean that I do not know what that feels like.

Based in a lot of factors that I am not sharing right now.

But consider this.

My self esteem started to return with the action of simply blocking another person on facebook from telling me that they thought I was a nice person who posted helpful things on my timeline.

So. tell me you understand what I feel or have an idea of what I went through.

IF you can relate to that simple action that I just shared.

I block a person THIS WEEK on facebook
for telling me that they thought that I was nice and they admired me.

The Shut-in Stand-Up

 

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4 Responses to ""

I don’t quite understand the reason for blocking someone who made positive comments about you … unless I’m missing something…

I am ambivalent about blocking – at this point in time; I agree- we are free to rid ourselves of people we don’t want on our page – for whatever the reason may be – and there’s another part of me that feels – in the act of blocking someone -we give her or him power in knowing that we could not “face” him or her – if that makes sense… So, there is both strength and weakness in blocking…

I received my first “block” this past Thursday … in the past, I have been the “blocker,” not the “blocked.” It was an interesting experience to be on the receiving end … the “rejection” is different on FB than IRL – the FB person just disappers- as do you- and there is no verbal recourse – unless you know the person outside of the FB world.

That is all for now…

Well, previously when I blocked people it was because they were bullies or stalkers.

those were also important steps towards creating boundaries of what was or was not acceptable behaviour directed towards me.

For me. I don’t really care what take away that the blockee gets if they were a jerk. I just need bullies to be gone from my world. and with a simple button click – at least online – they are.

but by that same token, I can’t be concerned about what the nice person thinks that I blocked either.
I have to manage me and ensure my sense of safety and security.

so. yes, this would be a supreme test of empathy.

most people won’t relate to getting upset when being complimented and admired by a random stranger.

maybe line spaces would help…

problem solving is not empathy

problem solving is an intellectual process by which one avoids dealing with the feeling by changing both the context of the conversation away from feelings and by attempting to then alter the circumstances in a way to avoid triggering or facing said feelings empathy is about feeling other people’s feelings.

good or bad empathy is simply understanding other people’s feelings because they are presumably similar to your own; both being the same species and with the same spectrum of capacities.

Bonus points for readers who knew they were getting a demonstration of the second intellectually dodge or feelings avoidance mechanism.

agoraphobic philosopher

playing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgUbqTSObvM

October 21. 2012 1 PM

Dearest Readers.

CELEBRATE ME

I have finally conquered the daily anxiety that I experience just from sitting in front of my computer.

Now I realize that that might sound like a strange thing to say.. After all, what is Nina Tryggvason other than a computer geek? A writer, a graphics designer.

everything she does for enjoyment involved a computer.
and everything I did for work or volunteering, also involved a computer. You know. all that blogging and facebook.

Well. Dearest Readers.

Facebook was cheaper and more effective than therapy, because on Facebook. I had one thing on line that I did not have in my actual life.

Control over the conversation.

I can control who I talk to. How I talk to them and what I talk to them about. But mostly, I get control over who I do not have to talk to. Being able to block people or simply leave groups was one of the MOST IMPORTANT STEPS that I took to begin my recovery process.

Because blocking other people – and I know there is another thinking feeling human being on the other side of the words – no matter what the person posts or how they behave – nicely or a troll – because no machine has passed the Turin Test.

So being able to say to myself I AM VALUABLE ENOUGH to not have to waste time with a person who cannot behave in a manner that is acceptable to me. No matter what it is that “acceptable means”.

Because let me tell everyone something right now. I was never raped as a child and I was never raped as an adult woman. But that does not mean that I do not know what that feels like. Based in a lot of factors that I am not sharing right now.

But consider this. My self esteem started to return with the action of simply blocking another person on facebook from telling me that they thought I was a nice person who posted helpful things on my timeline.

So. tell me you understand what I feel or have an idea of what I went through. IF you can relate to that simple action that I just shared.

I block a person THIS WEEK on facebook for telling me that they thought that I was nice and they admired me.

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